Skip to main content

The Goffle Park War (3rd War of 2005)

Written by DX
Last updated on 2005-11-09

This was the 3rd war fought between the Ridgewood Militia and Waterbridge this season, and the first at the Militia's then new park.

Ridgewood Militia:

  • Duxburian - CPS 2500
  • Nibordude - Flash Flood
  • Mike - CPS 2100
  • Connor - CPS 2100
  • Colin - CPS 2100


  • Belisaurius - XP 270
  • Guderian - CPS 2100
  • Hannibal - Flash Flood
  • Jeff - Flash Flood

This was the war where we tricked Waterbridge into believing that we had 3 more people and the Douchenator already in position at High Point. So they came into the fight thinking it was 8v4 and in unknown territory.

Both teams started on the dam, seperated by the only one of the 3 cuts where water flows through. Both teams retreated to take cover on our opposite banks, the Militia on the Heights, Waterbridge on the main path. After about 15 minutes, we decided to split and turn Waterbridge's left flank. Connor and Mike stayed by the dam, while Nibor, Colin, and myself moved past and around High Point, crossing the brook below it. We carefully approached along the main path, but saw no sign of the enemy.

At one point, I saw a shirt, alerted Nibor and Colin, but Nibor said it was probably a deer. I said, "Deer don't wear shirts!" but it was given no further thought. We reunited with Mike and Connor at the dam, while Waterbridge remained frozen behind a big log up near the OB line. In a past war, I mistook a deer for a person, but in this war, the "deer" not only had a shirt, but also a watch, a water gun, and 3 buddies. After that, we found Waterbridge's stash and raided it. We acquired much needed water balloons, as we had made none and they had made tons.

Moving down the main path across the stream from High Point, we spotted Waterbridge on the opposite bank. They took a position behind a large log, and we engaged. They hurled water balloons at us using lax sticks, we responded, but without lax sticks, had difficulty ranging them. After a few minutes, Connor and I decided to try a daring manuever. We disengaged and ran for a fording point directly below High Point.

"They're Crossing!" We dashed across the brook and scaled High Point itself. After being wasted by an adrenaline rush, we took our time walking to the edge of High Point, and saw that Waterbridge had made no attempt to counter. Seizing the opportunity, I yelled out, "Prepare to Douche! Douche away!" Waterbridge hit the ground in fear, and after waiting a few seconds, yelled it again. They warmed up to the fake launching, and Connor and myself left High Point. We ran to the end of the Heights and around toward the rear of Waterbridge's position.

One of our greatest manuevers was about to come. Mike and Colin charged across the brook in Waterbridge's front, Nibor crossed at an angle and hit their left flank, I charged at their rear, and Connor also hit the rear, at an angle toward the right. This caused Waterbidge to take to their heels in a hurry, crossing the brook surrounded by fire. Kills were made, confusion erupted.

They ran away to a position on the East bank ridge. We took a position below it, while Beli went back to get their first aid kit. Evidently, I think it was Hannibal who had tripped on a root and cut himself. After dealing with the injury we held a parley to sort out the kills and set things straight. The score was now 2-1 Militia, and combat was resumed.

Waterbridge set up a water balloon sling at their position, but I knew how to sweep them off the hill. We started advancing up the slope, those on the left started moving faster and to the right at an angle. Thus, we hit their front and right flank, forcing them to flee again. They outran us and disappeared near the Southern OB line. We stopped to regroup and I glimpsed them crossing! No! We had them in a corner, but now on the other bank, they could escape into the vastness of the Goffle Park.

We had to retreat all the way back to near High Point, the scene of the first skirmish. We crossed and took the position they had been in. No sign of them. So we took up a new position at Corning, at the end of the Heights. No sign of them. So we retreated to High Point. No luck. We came to the dam. Bingo! Both teams rushed in to engage each other on the dam.

This fight lasted a good half hour, maybe a full hour. The small area of water was a barrier between us, and neither was able to cross. I drove them back with the 2500, however, no one else on my side could range them with their guns. It was up to me to initiate something. Only the 2500 had any real effect.

By this point, all water balloons had been used, except one I had reserved. I took it out and nailed Guderian. So it was 3-1. Colin got hit. 3-2. We retreated to the Heights, but lost Conner. He simply disappeared, and several minutes later reappeared in the enemy rear. He made a kill and was killed. So it was 4-3. We suffered another kill due to stupidity, so it was tied 4-4. We drove back onto the dam, but they fought to another stalemate.

Time ran out, a 4-4 tie after an epic battle on the dam. One of our best wars ever, and one of the most well fought with a few little exceptions.

< >